Sunday, March 13, 2011

Who Is My Daughter?

Who is my daughter? Where is she? I know she is in China, but where? Is it cold where she is? Is she cold? I really hope she is warm. I hate to be cold. Is she in an orphanage? Does she have loving people to care for her? Does she wonder where her mommy is? Does she even know what a mommy is? Is she in a foster home? Are her foster parents nice to her? Do they hug her and tell her she is special? Is she sick? If so, how sick? Does she have a heart that needs repaired? Does she get winded easily because of it? Does she have to fight to breathe? Does she have a cleft lip that needs to be repaired? Does she struggle to eat because of it? Is she hungry? Oh God, I pray she isn’t hungry. Is she in a hospital? Is she alone? Is she in pain? God, please comfort her if she is. How old is she? Is she walking yet? Did someone celebrate her first steps? Does she giggle with delight? Does it make someone’s heart sing when she does? What makes her giggle? Does she love music? Has she heard music before? Does she like to be outside? Does she get to go outside much? Does she know what love feels like? Does anyone stroke her face and tell her she is loved? I hope so. Does she have chubby baby cheeks? Does someone kiss them? Where is the mother that gave her life? Is she ok? Does she long for her baby girl? Is she awake at night thinking of her? Do we have that in common? Does she wonder about me, like I wonder about her? Can she feel the grace of God easing her pain like I’m praying it will? Comfort her, dear Lord. When will I see our baby girl’s face? Will it be tomorrow or months from now? Will seeing her face make the wait harder? When will I first hold her in my arms? Will she cry? Will she be terrified? Will a caregiver grieve her when she comes home with us? What will she think of her 2 big brothers and her sister? What will she think of Chris and I? How long will it take her to trust us? Will God give me peace from the unrelenting questions in my head? If not, it’s okay.

I have so many questions about my daughter and they can consume my thoughts. At night I lay in bed and the unending questions steal my sleep. I pray for peace from this, but I know it might not be God’s will to relieve me of these questions. I’m thankful for God’s word that offers the only peace from the questions. Thankfully, I do know a few things about my daughter. She is a child of God and he knew her before he formed her in her mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5). God cares about her pain and he knows every tear she cries (Psalm 56:8). God is with her and he is mighty to save! He delights in her and he sings over her (Zephaniah 3:17). God will not leave her as an orphan (John 14:18). He has prepared a family for her and we are blessed to be chosen (Psalm 68:6)!

“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17